At the farmers market this Saturday, I asked a farmer for a whole chicken. He asked me, "How many are you cooking for?" "Just one", I replied. My typical farmers market haul is enough ground beef for me to have 2 lbs. every single day for the week and, of course, some delicious raw milk. Ever since the tick bite in the Ozarks, I've been cooking chicken for one.
If you don't know what Alpha-Gal is, it's an allergy that you get from a tick bite to meat and dairy. All mammal products, essentially. I'll break out in hives if I eat any beef or pork. Thankfully, it hasn't been too bad so far. Honestly, the worst part is not being able to share meals with friends or cook delicious meat for them.
I'm extremely grateful for my supportive friends, but still, I can't help but feel alone in this. Being single, the sobering thought occurred to me that not only could this have been worse, but it's inevitable that one day I will face something much worse, and being alone, the suffering would only compound.
It's not just the desire of having someone to take care of me in sickness, I realize that there is a human longing to have someone share in suffering and for someone to step into it. And of course there is a desire for me to be the one to step into and share with someone else's suffering when it may occur. As good as it is to share and celebrate joyfully with others, It's better and more intimate to be the one to share in suffering.
I suppose in part this is why the Preacher in Ecclesiastes writes:
It is better to go into the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting. For this is the end of all mankind, and the living lay it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.
- Ecclesiastes 7:2-3
My freezer is currently full of wild hog meat that I hunted. I long for the day to be able to cook it for friends, but I have a much deeper longing to one day cook chicken for two.